CONFESSIONS
Part 1: On being an imperfect victim
It’s strange, the way someone can go from being a guy you’re hanging out with, to an ex-fling who keeps bugging you at work, to a full-blown stalker who is harassing you. In my situation, the transition was like the slow boil of water, the classic analogy of a frog not realizing it’s being boiled alive because the temperature only goes up degree by degree.
When does annoying become harassing? When does someone’s unwanted interest become criminal stalking? …
Six responses to a weird concept
People say “you can’t live in fear” re: COVID-19.
Um, actually, you can.
Whether the topic is mask-wearing, limiting indoor interactions, choosing to only socialize outside or virtually, having boundaries around a pod or household, practicing better hand-washing, or other coronavirus precautions, there’s always someone saying, “You can’t live in fear! You’re going to die one day anyway!”
This line of thinking contains logical fallacies from multiple angles. Is fear even the driving factor? If so, is fear inherently invalid? What’s a driving factor besides fear? …
Decode your brain, not their punctuation
“What does this text from this guy I like mean?”
“Help me decode what her DM is about!”
“What does the timing of their message imply?”
We’ve all been there. I’ve seen it in myself, and I’ve seen so many friends obsess and over-analyze. But this ruminating never leads to magically understanding the text sender’s deep psychological profile, inner landscape, and true intentions. Instead, I’ve noticed that this rumination often backfires and leads us to four major pitfalls — pitfalls that we can transform into these better habits.
1: The Projection Pitfall
Your brain is prone to imagining hidden meaning.
Our brains often tell…
Suicide threats can be a form of abuse called coercive control
“I’ll kill myself if you leave me.”
As someone who takes very seriously the issues of both suicide and abusive relationships, I have been wrecked by this particular threat — more than once. If you’re in this situation, you’re not alone. A former or current romantic partner threatening suicide to control you is a documented form of emotional abuse.
Of course, suicide should always be taken seriously. In the face of immediate threats, seek emergency help. You will find general resources for suicide prevention in this article; however, the focus of this article is the phenomenon of a partner weaponizing…
The real reason it makes me squirm.
There’s a lot of things to hate about Zoom and other video calling services (plenty of good things too, sure, but I’m not going to waste your time stating the obvious to sound nicey-nice). For many of us, COVID-19 has resulted in video calls for virtual social hangouts, doctor visits, teacher instruction, and, of course, our jobs.
Yes, it’s a privilege to be able to work remotely, but the fact that “it could be worse” doesn’t excuse current circumstances from critique.
Lots of Little Reasons, and One Big One
An authentic “heck yes” relies on the occasional “no, thanks”
Some people seem blessed with the ability to simply say “no.” But there are those of us who struggle with boundaries. For us, it can feel like we aren’t allowed to say no or don’t deserve to do so. It can feel like we need to be armed with bulletproof excuses. We might feel obligated to cater to other people’s feelings at the expense of our own.
Re-framing this mindset about boundaries is life-changing. On the downside, you’ll learn that you might’ve actually been hurting both yourself and others by lacking boundaries. On the upside, once you start practicing these…
Has “social distancing” become a trendy label that masks true risk?
Lost
As businesses re-open around the US, I feel lost. Workplaces, businesses, and politicians don’t seem to offer trustworthy guidance on what is safe to actually do. They all have ulterior motives and reasons to not care about the collateral damage. How do we figure this out for ourselves?
I live in one of the states that has decided to reopen despite rising coronavirus (COVID-19) cases. Our governor downplays the spike in new cases, while independent journalists mention increases in hospitalizations and decreases in available hospital beds. …
Should you stay or should you go?
As an INFJ, your conscientiousness might be paralyzing you at this historical moment. Protecting people from coronavirus and stopping systemic racism are two urgent public health problems with two seemingly opposing responsibilities.
For months, we’ve been told that the only thing we can do to stop the spread of the SARS-CoV-2 coronavirus (COVID-19) is to stay home. But then, Minneapolis police officer Derek Chauvin’s murder of George Floyd tipped the long-brewing issue of police brutality against black people into an uprising of worldwide support for the Black Lives Matter movement. This movement has…
Chelsey Burden
Creative Writing MFA. Sociology + Gender Studies B.S. Writes on: Relationships. Power dynamics. Domestic violence. Resilience. Introversion. Creativity.
