And how it changed my understanding of depression

The first time I tried to taper off antidepressants, at age twenty-two, my psychiatrist gave me the typical advice and a prescription for half my regular dose. A few days later I was sobbing on my bedroom floor as I called her and begged to be put back on my regular dose.

There were two huge mistakes here I see in retrospect:

1. Reducing a dose by half is a gigantic move. Tapering in tiny increments would later prove better for me.
2. No one told me that depression and suicidality were symptoms of…

If you think getting rejected by a publisher can only be a bad thing, you’ve got it all wrong.

I’m a sensitive person, but I’ve trained myself to not be hurt or discouraged by rejection because I’ve shifted how I understand the submission process, publishers, and rejection itself.

In fact, I wish we writers would brag about our rejections the way roller derby girls brag about their grotesque bruises: proof that we’re in it. That we are brave. That we are proud of our vulnerability. That we understand our pain as progress.

Bruises don’t mean we’re losing the game —…

Before I entered the world of getting published, I didn’t know what I didn’t know. I didn’t realize these little steps even existed. I could see where I currently was (unknown to the world) and where I wanted to be (published), but I couldn’t see the stepping stones in between. So, it looked like one giant impossible leap.

Sure, there are a few rare people who make the leap in one fell swoop, but for most published writers I’ve met it’s a series of small steps. In taking the following small steps, I’ve published book reviews, interviews, poetry, flash fiction…

I’m probably in the minority for believing that it’s often okay to end a relationship over text message. I’ve done it. I’ve also been on the receiving end, and sure, I was devastated. But the thing is, I was devastated that he didn’t like me, not that he texted about it.

There’s a widespread sentiment that breaking up over text is the worst, most evil, inhumane thing you can do.

I just don’t buy it.

I have found that there are times when it’s totally justified. Sometimes it’s not only justified — it’s actually safer, kinder, or more reasonable.

Recently…

CONFESSIONS

It’s strange, the way someone can go from being a guy you’re hanging out with, to an ex-fling who keeps bugging you at work, to a full-blown stalker who is harassing you. In my situation, the transition was like the slow boil of water, the classic analogy of a frog not realizing it’s being boiled alive because the temperature only goes up degree by degree.

When does annoying become harassing? When does someone’s unwanted interest become criminal stalking? …

Six responses to a weird concept

People say “you can’t live in fear” re: COVID-19.

Um, actually, you can.

Whether the topic is mask-wearing, limiting indoor interactions, choosing to only socialize outside or virtually, having boundaries around a pod or household, practicing better hand-washing, or other coronavirus precautions, there’s always someone saying, “You can’t live in fear! You’re going to die one day anyway!”

This line of thinking contains logical fallacies from multiple angles. Is fear even the driving factor? If so, is fear inherently invalid? What’s a driving factor besides fear? …

“What does this text from this guy I like mean?”

“Help me decode what her DM is about!”

“What does the timing of their message imply?”

We’ve all been there. I’ve seen it in myself, and I’ve seen so many friends obsess and over-analyze. But this ruminating never leads to magically understanding the text sender’s deep psychological profile, inner landscape, and true intentions. Instead, I’ve noticed that this rumination often backfires and leads us to four major pitfalls — pitfalls that we can transform into these better habits.

1: The Projection Pitfall

Your brain is prone to imagining hidden meaning.

Our brains often tell…

“I’ll kill myself if you leave me.”

As someone who takes very seriously the issues of both suicide and abusive relationships, I have been wrecked by this particular threat — more than once. If you’re in this situation, you’re not alone. A former or current romantic partner threatening suicide to control you is a documented form of emotional abuse.

Of course, suicide should always be taken seriously. In the face of immediate threats, seek emergency help. You will find general resources for suicide prevention in this article; however, the focus of this article is the phenomenon of a partner weaponizing…